Handling relatives who insult, humiliate, harm and troubles you...
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: An old man came wanting to see the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), but the people were slow to make room for him. So the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “He is not one of us who does not show compassion to our young ones and show respect to our elders.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1919); classed as saheeh on the basis of corroborating evidence by Shaykh al-Albaani in as-Silsilah as-Saheehah (5/230).
You should also pay attention to the ties of kinship between you, uphold those ties and show kindness to her, for this is the true upholding of ties of kinship that is required according to Islamic teachings. True upholding of ties of kinship is when a person responds to the mistreatment of his relatives by showing kindness towards them.
It was narrated from ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The one who upholds ties of kinship is not the one who responds in kind; rather the one who upholds the ties of kinship is the one who, if his relatives cut him off, he still upholds ties with them.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5991).
Ibn al-Jawzi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
You should understand that the one who responds in kind is the one who, if his relatives treats him kindly, he does likewise. The one who upholds ties of kinship for the sake of Allah (may He be exalted) does so in order to draw closer to Allah and in compliance with His command, even if his relatives cut him off. But if he upholds ties only when they do so, this is like paying off a debt. Hence [the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)] said: “The best charity is that given to a relative who is hostile. That is because spending on a beloved relative may be mixed with personal inclinations or whims and desires, whereas in the case of spending on a hostile relative, there is no element of whims and desires.
End quote from Kashf al-Mushkil (4/120-121).
Your showing kindness to her will, by Allah’s leave, be the best punishment for her, for it is a means of being granted victory by Allah for her transgression against you.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that a man said: O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they abuse me. I am patient and kind towards them, but they insult me.
He said: “If you are as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths. Allah will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that.”
Narrated by Muslim (2558).
Tags: How to handle and treat rude and bad uncle, aunty, parents, grandparents, brother in law, sister in law, father in law, mother in law, siblings, brother, sister; Handling worst relatives; How to maintain relationship during tough and difficult times; How to deal mistreatment, cruelty, insult and oppression from relatives; maintaining ties of kinship; Reward of handling bad relatives
