We live in an era in which the world is mired in great challenges. It is no longer possible to ignore the turmoil that surrounds us, be it the instability in many countries or the problems associated with the millions struggling to make a living. Whatever be the reasons that led the world to this stage, it’s clear that a change is essential to get out from this chaos.
Our personal lives are not immune
from this turmoil. Many times we all seek to correct the course of our lives to
maximize our share of worldly and spiritual fulfillment. Whether its to
inculcate better Islamic habits or others related to secular
aspects of our lives, the process of personal change provides us with an
opportunity to improve ourselves.
The ability to come out of this state
– to change – also gives us hope for a better future. Fortunately, we live
during times where good advice surrounds us. The Internet and its support
structure have provided us with a way to gain instant access to stores of
knowledge and words of wisdom. The problem, however, has been that our pace of
change hasn’t kept up with what we learn from this knowledge. You see, there
comes a point in our lives where we need to go beyond learning and to
eventually change and start living that wisdom.
Bringing lasting personal change
however, isn’t that easy and many of us give up trying. But since change is
important to get us out of our current states, we simply can’t quit. So, the
struggle must go on until we find a way to overcome barriers to personal
change.
We may wonder about why we fail to
change? For those of us who have attempted to change with not much to show for,
the process can be frustrating. Understanding reasons that lead to this failure
can help us overcome these obstacles. Let’s review those below.
Desensitization to
time
Procrastination is known to be one of
the biggest hurdles to change. Psychologists refer to procrastination as “the
act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, and thus
putting off important tasks to a later time.” Whether one procrastinates in
worldly or spiritual matters, it has its consequences. Procrastinators falsely
assume that time will be available in the future, which may not be true. For
example, we see that in the Quran Allah mentions numerous
nations who were given time to heed to His message and change. The ones who
didn’t were suddenly taken by surprise at their appointed time. In the Chapter
of Al-Anaam (verse 44), Allah says, “So, when they forgot (the warning)
with which they had been reminded, We opened for them the gates of every
(pleasant) thing, until in the midst of their enjoyment in that which they were
given, all of a sudden, We took them (in punishment), and lo! They were
plunged into destruction with deep regrets and sorrows." while they will
bear their burdens on their backs; and evil indeed are the burdens that they
will bear! ”
The message above couldn’t be
clearer. Allah gives us the time to reform ourselves. When we postpone
indefinitely, we shouldn’t be surprised if our conditions worsen. Allah says in
the Quran, “Verily, We sent (Messengers) to many nations before you (O
Muhammad). And We seized them with extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss
in health (with calamities) so that they might humble themselves (believe with
humility).” (Chapter #6, Verse #42)
We should, therefore, urgently start
facing up to our spiritual and worldly imperfections which may be manifesting
as sins. Accordingly, we need to make the connection between those
imperfections and our undesirable conditions. Remember, the price of putting
off change can come in the form of tough times and future regrets. Let’s not
procrastinate until tomorrow because even if we had the extra time, tomorrow
could bring additional challenges thus increasing the load of our burdens.
Desensitization to
falsehood and imperfections
Change of any type first requires
clearly identifying and recognizing the negative behavior, habit, thought, or
belief. However, when one gets desensitized to such imperfections, the need for
such a change is no longer felt. The “negatives” become part of our existence
and we become complacent about them. For example, many amongst Muslims pray
Fajar prayers after the prescribed time (or miss it altogether) and no longer
see it as a sin or feel the impulse to correct such a behavior.
Today, we live in trying times where
guidelines driven by personal interests rather than based on divine teachings
are being used to decide the lawful (halal) and the unlawful (haram). This is
slowly blurring the dividing lines between falsehood and truth. As a direct
consequence, though unknown to many of us (including Muslims), we have slowly
begun to be more accepting of wrong behaviors leading to devastating
consequences. This is similar to the boiling water and frog analogy, which
states that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out. However, if
it is placed in cold water that is slowly heated, it will fail to feel the
change and thus will never jump out, dying in the process.
This loss of our sense to distinguish
between falsehood and truth makes Shaytan sneak into our lives, further
hindering our efforts to improve. Allah says in the Quran, "And
whosoever turns away blindly from the remembrance of the Most Gracious (Alláh)
(i.e., this Qurán and worship of Alláh), We appoint for him a Shaitán
(Satan/devil) to be a Qarin (a companion) to him. And verily, they
(Satans/devils) hinder them from the path (of Alláh), but they think that they
are guided aright!" (43:36,37).
Islamic teachings thus warn us
against getting into such traps and instead instruct us to never lose sight of
the distinction between right and wrong. Just because we chose to ignore
rectifying the wrong to suit our situations doesn’t transform wrong into right.
By maintaining that distinction we can still expect to rectify it someday.
Lack of commitment
Commitment to change is essential for
any major change of attitude to take place in the long run. Research has proved
that things such as “will power” can take us only so far and for so long. We
need a more stable “inner resource” to sustain our change efforts for the long
run.
One way to ensure that you stay
committed to any change effort is to clearly define the outcome that you
envision from that change. Envisioning the outcome for a change is quite
different from simply having the desire to change. Although desires may provide
the emotional fuel behind our change efforts, they don’t manifest the
underlying complexities to drive an actual change process. Outcomes from the
intended change must therefore be envisioned clearly, e.g. the new person that
you will become after you give up a certain negative behavior, to ensure
continued commitment levels.
Take the example of the prophet’s
commitment when he started propagating the Islamic message during the early
days of Islam.
When the prophet’s uncle warned him of the risks of doing so, he clearly
stated, “O my uncle, by Allah, if they put the sun in my right hand and
the moon in my left in return for my giving up this cause, I would not give it
up until Allah makes Truth victorious, or I die in His service.” It was
that kind of a commitment that kept him going for the rest of his life and to
bring about the change that he did.
To motivate us to do good deeds and
to put our temporary stay in this life in perspective, Allah and His prophet
have very clearly defined the outcomes of our actions in this life and the
hereafter. The detailed account they have provided us about our stay in this
world and after we take the last breath, show us a clear path from now until
our final destination. For us to make any change therefore, we should commit
ourselves and clearly envision the outcome that we expect from our change.
Lack of a personal
change system
Islam constitutes a system of
obligatory ibadat such as prayers, fasting, etc., that helps a Muslim adhere to
a discipline of maintaining his or her relationship with Allah. No one would
disagree that if such ibadat were instead optional, most of us wouldn’t be able
to maintain our current levels of spirituality. So, just as methodical and
disciplined systems help us perform effectively in both our spiritual and
worldly matters, instituting a methodical “personal change system” is equally
important to help us follow through on the changes that we want to make in our
lives. Such a system will help us to make, track, and sustain changes
throughout our lives.
Parting words
Finally, let’s remember that to seek
a change in our conditions we must do things differently from the way that
initially led to where we stand today. So, the road from misery to fulfillment,
from good to great, and from Allah’s displeasure to seeking His pleasure starts
with you getting on the process of change. As Allah says in the Quran: “Verily,
Allah will not change the condition of a people as long as they do not change
their state themselves” [al-Raa’d 13:11].
