Islamic Guidance and Remedy:Husband is suffering from Mental and Physical illness and he is not fulfilling his responsibilities.

Praise be to Allaah.

Allah has enjoined upon the husband to treat his wife decently and with kindness, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And live with them honourably”

[an-Nisa’ 4:19].

This is one of the rights that are common to both spouses; each must treat the other decently and with kindness. 

Each spouse has rights over the other. We have discussed in detail the rights of the spouses over one another in the answer to question no. 10680

One of the rights that the wife has over her husband is that he should keep her chaste by means of intercourse with her. This is obligatory for the one who is able to do it. This is the view of the majority of scholars. 

It says in al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah (30/127): 

One of the rights of the wife over her husband is that he should keep her chaste by having intercourse with her. The majority of fuqaha’ – Hanafis, Maalikis and Hanbalis – are of the view that it is obligatory for the husband to have intercourse with his wife. End quote. 

The scholars differed with regard to the limits within which the husband must have intercourse with his wife. The most correct opinion is that it should be in accordance with her need and his ability. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about a man who does not have intercourse with his wife for one or two months; is there any sin on him or not? Is the husband required to do that? 

He replied: 

The man should have intercourse with his wife according to what is reasonable. It is the most important right that she has over him and is more important than providing her with food. It was said that obligatory intercourse is once every four months, or whatever is in accordance with her need and his ability, just as he should feed her according to her need and what he can afford. This is the more correct of the two scholarly opinions. 

Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 32/271 

Your husband may be suffering from some mental or physical illness and this may be what is causing him to refrain from intercourse or showing affection. You cannot be certain that this is not happening in his case, especially since you say that the shaykhs who have examined your situation think that he has been affected by the evil eye. It is not far-fetched to say that that the evil eye may be what has caused the change in his behaviour. 

Dr. ‘Abdullah as-Sadhaan – who is a specialist in matters of ruqyah and whose doctoral thesis was entitled Diraasah Muqaarinah ‘an ar-Ruqyah ash-Shar‘iyyah (A Comparative Study of Ruqyah as prescribed in Islam) was asked: 

Can the evil eye cause physical sickness or financial or social problems? 

He replied: 

Yes, the evil eye can cause a lack of healing from many physical problems and may even make them worse. It may also cause financial and marital problems, breakdown in relationships and a lot of calamities. How can it be otherwise, when the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Death among my ummah is mostly caused, after the will and decree of Allah, by the evil eye.” So whatever occurs of calamities that are less serious than death are more likely to be caused by the evil eye. 

Majallat ad-Da‘wah, issue no. 2018, 15 Shawwaal 1426 AH/17 November 2005 CE 

One of the duties of the righteous wife is to stand by her husband in such situations, because he is in the greatest need of someone to support him and help him in treating his disease until Allah decrees that he should be healed. If what has befallen him is caused by his material circumstances and social interactions, then you can win his heart by beautifying yourself for him, and treating him in a loving and kind manner, for you are his source of tranquillity. Allah has created between the spouses love and compassion that will make it easy for you to reach his heart and reduce the pressure that he is suffering because of his circumstances. 

You should understand that the man is not like the woman; the woman  can respond to her husband’s sexual needs in all circumstances unless she is sick, menstruating or bleeding following childbirth. But a man cannot do that unless he has energy and the desire for intercourse. Hence Islam does not oblige him to treat his wives (in the case of plural marriage) equally in terms of intercourse, because that depends on energy, desire and strength. For the same reason also there is a warning against refusing to share the marital bed on the part of the wife but not the husband. 

With regard to your saying that you are afraid of falling into immoral actions, you should be patient and forbearing, and help your husband until Allah heals him. If you are not able to be patient then you have the right to ask for a divorce. 

Your husband should hasten to seek treatment for himself; he should not hesitate to do so or be heedless or lazy about it. According to what you say, he is neglecting the rights of his wife and the wife has the right to be kept chaste. If he is able to do it then he should do so, otherwise he should divorce her and let her go in a good manner, if she cannot be patient during her husband’s illness. 

In the answer to question no. 11359 we have described how to protect oneself against the evil eye and to remedy the matter. 

We think that it is best to refer your case to an Islamic judge (qaadi), because he will be able to establish the facts of your husband’s case and seek medical reports, after which he will be able to issue a verdict on matters of divorce and rights. 

We advise you to be patient in putting up with the situation in which you find yourself and to support your husband during his illness and do your part to seek a remedy for it, whether that is with doctors or psychologists, or with trustworthy shaykhs, so that you can find out the cause of his problem, as he may indeed have been affected by the evil eye. 

We ask Allah to set your affairs straight. 

And Allah knows best.

https://islamqa.info/en

Husband is not fulfilling his rights, Rights of Husband in Islam, Duties and responsibilities of Husband in Islam, Husband is Sick

How to increase Iman (Faith) and How to Strengthen Iman (Faith)?

Praise be to Allaah.  

My brother, have great hope in Allaah, and do not let the Shaytaan cause you to despair of the vast mercy of Allaah which He has guaranteed for His believing slaves. What you are telling yourself about this being a sign that you will die following something other than that which Allaah wants is only insinuating whispers (waswaas) from the Shaytaan and his deviant ideas by means of which he wants to tempt the slaves of Allaah and lead them away from their religion. So he comes to a righteous slave and whispers to him that his good deeds are of no avail, or that he is doing them not for the sake of Allaah but to show off to people, so that they will think he is good. All of these are the usual ways with which the Shaytaan tries to trick the slaves of Allaah, especially those who show signs of being righteous – of whom I think that you are one, although I do not praise anyone before Allah – to hinder their efforts. We seek refuge with Allaah from him. 

You need to increase your hope and trust in Allaah Who forgives all sins, and who accepts the slave who seeks His protection and refuge, for He is the Most Merciful, the Oft-Forgiving and the  Most Loving.  

You should increase your good deeds, such as reading Qur’aan, giving charity, remembering Allaah (dhikr), upholding the ties of kinship, etc. The weakness which you feel also happens to others, for it is something natural. How many people were examples followed by others and had a great deal of drive and ambition, then they lost their drive and ambition for a long time, then it came back to them by the grace of Allaah. Remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Everybody has his time of energy, and every time of energy is followed by a time of lethargy. But if a person tries to follow a moderate path, then I have hope for him, but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the street), then do not think anything of him.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2453; classed as hasan (sound) by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1995). 

What is meant by “Everybody has his time of energy” is eagerness for a thing, energy and the desire to do good.

What is meant by “every time of energy is followed by a time of lethargy” is tiredness, weakness and lack of movement.

“But if a person tries to follow a moderate path” means that the one who has energy does his deeds in moderation and avoids going to extremes when he is feeling energetic and avoids being negligent when he is feeling lethargic.

“Then I have hope for him” means, I have hope that he will be successful, for he can continue following a middle course, and the most beloved deeds to Allaah are those which are continuous.

“but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the street)” means, if he strives hard and goes to extremes in doing good deeds so that he will become famous for his worship and asceticism, and he becomes famous and people point him out to one another,

“then do not think anything of him” means, do not think that he is one of the righteous, because he is showing off. He did not say, “do not have hope for him,” as an indication that he has already fallen, and he will not be able to make up for what he has missed out on. 

[From Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi] 

Think about this hadeeth, and relate it to your own situation and the situation of others: you will see a clear similarity. This hadeeth clearly states that man goes through a stage of incomparable eagerness and great focus and ambition, then suddenly he becomes weak and loses that focus and eagerness and ambition. When he reaches this stage, he must strive even harder to do obligatory duties and avoid haraam (impermissible) things. If he does that, then there is the hope that he will succeed and progress, but if he falls into haraam things and stops doing obligatory things, he will be lost and doomed.

 So you must turn to Allaah a great deal, seek His forgiveness and ask Him to make you steadfast until death. I also advise you to keep away from haraam things. May Allaah forgive your sins and make things easier for you.

https://islamqa.info/en

Are you suffering from weak faith(Iman), Solutions, advice and remedy for increasing and strengthening faith(Iman), How to overcome weak faith(Iman), How to make our Iman Stronger?

Helping and Supporting Father in law Financially

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly: 

Undoubtedly obedience to parents, so long as it does not involve disobedience towards Allah, is one of the greatest of righteous deeds and acts of worship. This is a well-known basic principle in Islam. 

The father has the right to take whatever he wants from his son’s wealth, but that is subject to conditions, one of which is that taking it should not cause harm to his son and that he should not take from him in order to give to someone else. 

Moreover, he should not take from his son’s wealth in order to waste it on extravagances or buy things that he does not need. This is more obviously forbidden; in fact it is not allowed even if it is one’s own wealth and earnings, so how about if it is his son’s earnings? See the answer to question no. 9594. 

Secondly: 

Spending on the father’s maintenance is only obligatory if the father is in difficulty and unable to earn a living from a suitable job. If he is not in difficulty or he is in difficulty but he is able to earn a living from a suitable job, then his son is not obliged to spend on him, according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions. 

It says in Minah al-Jaleel, 4/416: Spending on the maintenance of parents who are in financial difficulty is obligatory, even if they have a servant and a house that they need but are no more than is necessary. It seems that this is the case even if the father is able to earn a living. This is the view of al-Baaji and those who agreed with him. However al-Lakhmi says that rather he should be compelled to work in his profession, and this is the correct view and is the view of the author of al-Jawaahir. This is what appears to be the correct view by analogy with the son, because in order for it to be obligatory for the father to spend on his son, it is stipulated that the son should be unable to earn a living doing work that is not demeaning to him.

End quote. See: Haashiyat ad-Dasooqi, 2/523 

It says in Kashshaaf al-Qinaa‘, 5/481-482: 

We may sum up the conditions of it being obligatory to spend on a relative in the following points: Firstly, that those on whom he is spending should be poor, with no wealth or income to make them independent of means so that they do not need someone else to spend on them. If those on whom he is spending are well off and have sufficient wealth or income, there is no obligation to spend on them, because the condition is not applicable in this case. But if their wealth or income is not sufficient for them, then he is obliged to top it up. Secondly, the one who is supposed to spend on them should have sufficient wealth to do so that is surplus to what he needs to spend on his own maintenance and that of his wife and family. Thirdly, the one who spends should be an heir of the one on whom he spends, either according to the shares allocated by sharee‘ah or because of blood ties through the father.

End quote.  

Thirdly: 

The husband does not have the right to take from his wife’s wealth in order to give it to his father, mother or siblings without her consent. It is not permissible for the husband to take anything of his wife’s wealth except what she gives willingly. 

See the answer to question no. 163541. 

What we think is that the son should give his father something by way of upholding ties of kinship, in such a way that will not adversely affect your needs and will not be unfair to you, and he and his siblings should encourage their father to work. 

You could make your salary separate from your husband’s salary, and save all of your salary, and your husband can spend on you and the children and shoulder the responsibility of living costs. This is his basic duty in the first place. Then if there is anything left over, he can use that to uphold ties with his father in a way that will not adversely affect you or be unfair to his children. Then he can add whatever is left over to what you have of wealth, and you can put that towards buying a house or you can save it for your needs. 

But you have to be very careful not to let that choice lead to trouble in your relationship with your husband. However, you are in a position to evaluate the situation as you are living with him. 

If you are afraid that that may lead to some trouble, then carry on as you have been doing, and try to advise him to think of what is best for you and your children whilst avoiding cutting off ties with his father or failing to uphold ties with him and treat him kindly, in ways that will benefit him and not harm you. 

See also the answer to question no. 130599.

https://islamqa.info/en

Father in law is asking for money, father in law needs money, Islamic ruling on rights of father in law, Can father in law force his son? Rights of father in law in Islam.

Protection from Kufr, Satanic whispering, Waswaas, Deviation, Mis guidance, Satanic thoughts, evil thoughts, satan and devils

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly: 

Compulsive waswaas refers to thoughts and bad ideas that come one after another to a person’s mind even though he does not want them, in such a way that he cannot rid himself of them, even though he knows and is certain that they are foolish and unacceptable thoughts. They keep coming to his mind compulsively, which causes him a great deal of anguish and distress. 

The remedy for compulsive waswaas and other types of waswaas is to remember Allah a great deal, obey Him, and turn to Him, beseeching Him, and seeking refuge with Him; to overlook and ignore the waswaas, and not let oneself get carried away with it. In some cases there is a need to consult a doctor. 

See the answers to questions no. 39684 and 90819.

Allah will not punish a person or call him to account for this waswaas, because it is beyond his control and overwhelms him; it does not happen by his choice. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope”

[al-Baqarah 2:286]

“Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease.”

[al-Talaaq 65:7]

 “So keep your duty to Allah and fear Him as much as you can”

[al-Taghaabun 64:16]. 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will forgive my ummah for whatever crosses their minds so long as they do not act upon it or speak of it.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6664; Muslim, 127. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

Allah will not punish the one who suffers from compulsive waswaas, because He, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear” [al-Baqarah 2:286] and “Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope” [al-Baqarah 2:286]. But the one who is suffering from waswaas has to frequently seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Shaytaan and ignore it; if he does that, then it will depart from him by Allah’s leave. End quote. 

Fataawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb, 24/2 

If this man speaks words of kufr (disbelief) and words that put him beyond the pale of Islam because of this compulsive waswaas, without being aware of what he is saying or understanding what it means, or he understands what it means but he did not intend to say it and did not say it voluntarily – rather he said it under the pressure of this waswaas which forced him to say it – then he will not be punished for it, because it is beyond his control. He comes under the same ruling as one who speaks words of kufr because he is forced to do so. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Whoever disbelieved in Allah after his belief, except him who is forced thereto and whose heart is at rest with Faith but such as open their hearts to disbelief, on them is wrath from Allah, and theirs will be a great torment”

[an-Nahl 16:106]. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

If he is forced to disbelieve and he disbelieves, but his heart is at rest with Faith, then he is not deemed to be a disbeliever, because there is an impediment to doing so, which is that he was forced. End quote. 

Majmoo‘ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il al-‘Uthaymeen, 3/54 

It says in al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 13/229: 

It is not permissible to describe as a disbeliever one who was forced to utter words of disbelief when his heart was at rest with Faith. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “…except him who is forced thereto and whose heart is at rest with Faith …” [an-Nahl 16:106]. End quote. 

See also the answer to question no. 62839

Based on that, this man is not to be deemed an apostate, unless he says or does something to indicate disbelief at the time when he is aware of what he is doing, and he says or does it voluntarily. In that case he would be deemed an apostate and would bear full responsibility for his words or deeds. 

Secondly: 

The family’s role towards this poor father may be summed up as follows: 

1.     All the members of the family have to show patience towards him with regard to unpleasant things that happen with him, because that is happening without him intending it to.

2.     They should strive to find treatment for him and spend as much as they can on that, and use tricks to treat him. Many cases of waswaas are in fact cases of sickness that can be treated by psychologists and the like.

3.     They should offer a lot of supplication and beseech Allah to remove this harm and heal him.

4.     Ruqya as prescribed in Islam. His son, wife or any other family member or other person may perform ruqya for him as prescribed in Islam. Allah may heal types of chronic sickness by His grace, by means of Islamically prescribed ruqya from the Qur’an and Sunnah.

See also the answer to question no. 3476

Thirdly: 

If this suitor is of good character and religiously committed, then there is nothing wrong with marrying him, whether his father is healthy or otherwise, and whether he is a Muslim or an apostate. None of those factors are an impediment to marrying his son, so long as the son is religiously committed and of good character. 

However we do not think that you should rush to accept such a person; rather proceeding with caution in the case of such proposals that may lead to complicated social problems is better, more sensible and wiser. 

You have to let your guardians know about the matter and they should find out the facts for themselves, so that they can make the right decision for their daughter. 

If you feel that this will have an impact on your life and your social relationships, then you are still young, so if you wait for a more suitable opportunity that is less likely to cause you problems, then perhaps that is better and more appropriate. 

If you insist on accepting this suitor, and your guardians agree to it, then you and your husband should have separate accommodation; that is more likely to avoid problems and keep you away from troubles. 

Moreover, he will be the grandfather of your children and also your father-in-law, the father of your husband, so you should strive hard to treat him kindly as much as you can. 

See also the answer to question no. 130935.

For more information, please see the answer to question no. 146463

And Allah knows best.

https://islamqa.info/en

Mistreatment by mother in law

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly: 

Undoubtedly these kind of family problems and annoyances are things that affect one’s life and occupy one’s thoughts, but with a little wisdom, proper conduct, more rational thinking, adhering to the path of fairness and patience for the sake of pleasing the one who has the greatest rights over you – namely your mother – and pleasing the one whom you love, the source of your comfort and the mother of your children – namely your wife – we can resolve the problem and handle the matter in the best manner possible. 

Secondly: 

We must – may Allah guide us and you aright – inform each party of the rights of the other. The mother must understand that her son’s wife has rights that have been ordained by Allah and taught by the Messenger of Allah; the wife must understand that the mother has rights ordained by Allah and affirmed by the Messenger of Allah. 

Moreover, each of them must understand that when Allah ordained rights for people, He forbade mistreatment and enmity, and He forbade transgressing the limits that He has set for His slaves. So what we must do is adhere to those limits and no one who has been given rights should transgress the limits in order to transgress against the rights of anyone else. 

Thirdly: 

We should explain the standard of fairness that has been outlined in Islam, which is that a person’s faith is not truly complete until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself, and until he hates for his brother what he hates for himself. 

So we ask the mother: would you accept for anyone – no matter who he is – to direct hurtful words towards you, or to mistreat you by behaving in an inappropriate manner, or to say bad things about your family, and so on? 

We ask the wife: would you be happy for my mother to be angry with me and not be pleased, and to pray against me instead of praying for me? Would you like that for yourself, no matter what the reasons? 

By presenting the case in such a manner, discussing it with two people you care for and who you do not want to make angry with you, you can persuade them, without putting the one who is in the wrong – especially your mother – on the spot and accusing her of transgression and hostility, or speaking ill of her and her actions, which may make matters more complicated and difficult to resolve. Rather you can achieve that with wisdom and choosing your words carefully. 

Then you should speak to your wife, encouraging her to pardon and overlook. 

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend”

[Fussilat 41:34]. 

The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No one forgives, but Allah increases him in honour.” Narrated by Muslim, 2588. 

According to another hadeeth: “No one is wronged and bears it with patience but Allah will increase him in honour.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, 2325; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. 

Explain to her that forgiving is more beloved and more pleasing to Allah, and tell her: “You will only be forgiving the most beloved of people to be, namely my mother, and that will only increase you in dearness to me.” 

Fourthly: 

It is not permissible for your wife to cut off her relationship with your mother by shunning her and boycotting her, because it is not permissible for a Muslim to shun his brother for more than three days, as is well known. It is narrated in a saheeh report that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever forsakes his brother for a year, it is as if he shed his blood.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4915;classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. 

He also said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to shun another Muslim for more than three days, because they will be drifting away from the path of truth so long as they are shunning one another. Whichever of them is first to reach out to his brother, his doing so will be an expiation for him. If he greets him and he (the other one) does not respond, the angels will return his greeting and the shaytaan will respond to the other one. If they both die in that state, neither of them will ever enter Paradise.”

Narrated by Ahmad, 15824; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in as-Saheehah, 1246 

But if mixing with one another will always lead to annoyance for the wife, and insults to her family, then this is something that it is not permissible for the mother to do, and it is not permissible for you to keep quiet about it, because people’s rights should be respected and if anyone harms a Muslim with no justification, the score will be settled on the Day of Resurrection. 

There is a well-known report about the bankrupt person who will come on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, fasting and zakaah to his credit, but he will come having insulted this one, reviled that one, devoured the wealth of this one, shed the blood of that one and beaten another one. So each of them will be given some of his hasanaat, and if his hasanaat run out before what he owes has been paid off, some of their bad deeds will be taken and added to his burden, then he will be thrown into the Fire. 

So it is essential to alert your mother to this great danger and to advise her concerning that, in a gentle manner, and remind her to fear Allah. 

Based on that, if your mother persists in treating your wife in this manner, then the right thing to do is not to enable her to do that, by preventing your wife from going to see her, and there will be no blame on your wife in that case if she does not mix with her, visit her or go to see her. This is not obligatory upon her in the first place; rather what is obligatory is not to shun a person without any shar‘i justification that would make doing so permissible. 

If we assume that your wife overlooks and forgives her, and gives up her own rights, then what about the rights of her family? What have they done wrong to deserve this criticism and mistreatment without any error or sin on their part? 

But if it so happens that your wife and your mother meet in some place, then your wife has to greet her with salaam if she meets her; the better of the two will be the one who is first to greet the other. If your mother speaks to her or greets her with salaam, then she must return her greeting. 

In that case it will not matter if your mother threatens to pray against you and to be displeased with you, because Allah has forbidden injustice to Himself and has made it haraam among people, and He has stated that He does not love those who are unjust or wrong others, as He, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Stand out firmly for Allah and be just witnesses and let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety”

[al-Maa’idah 5:8]. 

What is meant is: stand out firmly for Allah and be just in word and deed, and be like that towards both relatives and strangers, friends and enemies. 

Do not let the hatred of some people cause you to treat them unfairly; rather, just as you would testify in favour of your friend, you should also testify against him (if need be), and just as you would testify against your enemy, you should also testify in his favour; even if he is a disbeliever or innovator, it is obligatory to treat him fairly. 

See: Tafseer as-Sa‘di, p. 224 

Moreover, just as it is not permissible to let hatred of some people make you fail to be fair, it is not permissible to let love of others make you fail to be fair; rather you should be fair in all cases.

 There is no blame on you for any of this, if you have tried to bring about reconciliation as much as you can, but were unable to achieve that. If your mother threatens to pray against you and so on, Allah, may He be exalted, will not answer the supplication of one who prays wrongfully or on the basis of severing ties of kinship. 

But it is essential that you take care to treat her properly and be patient in putting up with any unpleasantness on her part in all situations. 

And Allah is the Guide to the straight path. 

See also question no. 82453

Note: 

With regard to the words of the questioner: “I still offer supplication for her when I pray and I give in charity on her behalf”, offering supplication for her is a good deed and comes under the heading of honouring her and treating her kindly. But giving charity on her behalf when she is still alive is something that is not known from the early generations; rather what is known is giving charity on behalf of one who has passed away. Al-Bukhaari (2760) and Muslim (1004) narrated from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) that a man said to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): My mother died suddenly and did not leave a will. I think that if she had been able to speak, she would have given charity. Can I give charity on her behalf? He said: “Yes, give charity on her behalf.” 

An-Nawawi said: 

This hadeeth indicates that giving charity on behalf of the deceased will benefit the deceased and the reward for it will reach him. There is scholarly consensus on this point. End quote. 

So what is prescribed is to focus on serving her, and praying for her in her absence, upholding ties with her by giving money and food, and so on, without giving charity on her behalf, because there is no evidence that doing so is prescribed (when she is still alive), as far as we know. 

And Allah knows best.

https://islamqa.info/en

Oppression from Mother in law, Mother in law mistreating wife, How to deal with Mother in law, Bearing cruelty of Mother in law, Rights of Mother

Islamic guidance and remedy: Misbehaviour, ill treatment and oppression by Aunt and Husband

Praise be to Allah.

Maintaining good relations with people is something for which you are to be commended and is a good attitude to have. It is not permissible for your maternal aunt, her husband or anyone else to try to spoil these good relationships. 

However, it is essential to note that the maternal aunt is of similar standing to the mother, and she has rights that are prescribed in Islam under the heading of maintaining ties of kinship and kind treatment. Hence we advise you to be patient with her and to advise her and her husband, and to use whatever you can of permissible and Islamically prescribed means to make her stop her evil actions by means of wisdom and beautiful exhortation. There is nothing wrong with seeking the help of those who you hope can influence her with sound advice. 

But if mixing with them will lead to negative and evil consequences, then keeping a distance from them is what one should do, but that should be done without severing ties altogether, speaking ill of them in their absence, reviling them and other acts that comes under the heading of bad manners that Allah has forbidden. 

Rather one should strive to protect oneself against evil, harm and mischief as much as possible; in that case it is sufficient to contact her by phone in order to check on her and ask how she and her family are, and so on. 

You should treat them with kindness and use a subtle approach in protecting yourself from their evil and the harm they cause to you and other people. 

If shunning them will have an effect on them and stop them from doing evil, then there is nothing wrong with shunning them. 

Shaykh al-Islam said: 

If a person openly commits a major sin, then it is justifiable to punish him by shunning and other means, even if shunning him may serve one’s own interest, thus serving the shar‘i interest as much as possible.

End quote.                                                                             

Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 24/286 

But if the harm affects only you, then try to put up with your aunt’s annoyance as much as you can, and adopt a gentle approach towards her, whilst protecting your religious commitment from her and her husband. 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that a man said: O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they abuse me. I am patient and kind towards them, but they insult me. He said: “If you are as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths. Allah will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that.”

Narrated by Muslim, 2558. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen was asked: 

My paternal uncles hurt me by gossiping about me to other people; what should I do with them? Should I cut off ties with them? 

He (may Allah have mercy on him) replied: Do not cut off ties with them. The more one upholds ties even though the other party cuts him off, the better it is. Do what is required of you in terms of upholding ties with them, and leave the matter of their cutting you off to Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. You will be rewarded if they annoy you and gossip about you to other people, because that will only increase you in reward, and on the Day of Resurrection you will take from their good deeds (hasanaat), if you did not pardon them.

End quote from Fataawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb, 12/468 

It should be noted that severing ties of kinship is a major sin and it is a very serious matter in the sight of Allah. Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship?”

[Muhammad 47:22]. 

Muslim (2556) narrated from Jubayr ibn Mut‘im (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No one who severs ties of kinship will enter Paradise.” 

In conclusion, 

You should uphold ties of kinship as much as you can, whilst protecting yourselves against their harm and annoyance. Do not give them any opportunity to interfere in your lives and spoil relations between you and other people; rather you should tell them not to do that; either they will refrain or leave you alone. 

May Allah make things easy for you and protect you from the evil of what you fear. 

And Allah knows best.

Reference:www.islamqa.info/en

Islamic guidance and Remedy: Sex change operations and surgery is haraam, forbidden and prohibited in Islam

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly: 

It is not possible for anyone, no matter who he is, to change the creation of Allah, may He be exalted, from male to female or vice versa. Whoever Allah, may He be exalted, has created as a male can never become a female who menstruates and gives birth! 

Yes, the doctors may tamper with him to satisfy his perversion so that he will think that he has become a woman, but he will never be truly female and will live in a state of anxiety and worry, which may lead him to commit suicide. 

Secondly: 

What a person may feel in his mind and heart, that he is of a gender other than what he appears to be to us not give him an excuse to change his gender; rather it comes under the heading of following the Shaytaan in changing the creation of Allah – outwardly but not truly – and those feelings do not make it permissible for him to undergo surgery or take medicines and hormones to change his outward appearance. Rather he must be content with the decree of Allah, may He be exalted, and treat his case on the basis of faith and obedience to Allah. It is not permissible for him to make himself appear outwardly to be of a gender other than his real gender with which Allah created him, otherwise he will be committing a major sin; if this person is really female then she will be masculinised and if he is really male then he will be effeminate. 

Please see also the answers to questions no. 21277 and 34553 

The surgery that is permissible in such cases is if a person was originally created male or female, but his genital organs are hidden. In that case it is permissible to do surgery in order to make those organs appear, and to give him or her medicine or hormones to strengthen the characteristics with which Allah originally created him or her. 

But in the case of one who was created with both female and male genitalia – this is what is called ambiguous intersex – it is not permissible to be hasty in removing one and making the other more apparent. Rather we should wait until it is known what Allah, may He be exalted, will decree for this individual, which may become apparent after some time has passed. 

For a more detailed discussion on intersex please see the answer to question no. 114670 

There follows a detailed fatwa from the scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas, who were asked about a case similar to what is mentioned in the question. They replied: 

Firstly: Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “To Allah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is the All-Knower and is Able to do all things” [ash-Shoora 42:49].  So the Muslim must accept and be content with whatever Allah creates and decrees. 

In your case, if you are as you mentioned, that you are certain of your masculinity and that you can play the male role efficiently, even if you have not actually engaged in any sexual activity with any person, then you must preserve your masculinity and accept that which Allah has granted to you of virtue and a favourable situation, and you must praise Him for having created you as a man, for men are better than women and of a higher status, and are more able to serve Islam and humanity than women, as is indicated by the words of Allah, may He be exalted (interpretation of the meaning): “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [an-Nisa’ 4:34]. 

What Allah, may He be exalted, has told us about the story of the wife of ‘Imraan, when she dedicated what was in her womb to Allah, to be devoted to service of His religion and to take care of the affairs of the House of Allah, and other texts, and the testimony of real life in countries in which common sense has not been distorted, offers universal, practical evidence, in addition to the evidence that is mentioned in the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), which highlights the superiority of men over women. 

Secondly: once your masculinity is proven and established, then having surgery to turn into a female – as you think – is changing the creation of Allah, and is an expression of discontent on your part with what Allah has chosen for you, even if we assume that the surgery is going to be successful and lead to what you want of becoming female. But there is no way that it can be successful, for both males and females have their own, distinct faculties and physical makeup, the development and characteristics of which are decreed only by Allah, may He be exalted, and are not just the penis of the male or the vaginal opening of the female. Rather the man has a complete, integrated system comprising the testicles and other organs, each of which has a special function and characteristics, and produces specific secretions and so on. Likewise the woman has a uterus and other connected parts that work in harmony with it, and each part has its own function and characteristics, and produces specific secretions and so on. Among of all them there are connections and harmony over which none of His creation have any power of estimation, creation, control, management or preservation. Rather all of that is under the control of Allah, the All-Knowing, Most Wise, Most High, Almighty, Most Kind and All-Aware. 

Therefore the surgery that you want to do is a kind of tampering and striving for something in which there is no benefit. In fact it may be dangerous; if it does not lead to death, then at the very least it will lead to taking away that which Allah has given you without you attaining what you want, and you will still be affected by what you have mentioned of psychological problems that you want to get rid of by means of this surgery that is bound to fail. 

Thirdly: if your masculinity is not established, and you only think that you are a man because of what you see in your body of outward masculine appearance, in contrast to what you feel in yourself of having feminine characteristics and an inclination towards males and being sexually attracted to them, then you should examine your situation and not go ahead with the surgery that you have mentioned. You should consult experienced specialist doctors. If they determine that you are male in outward appearance but are in fact female, then you may submit yourself to their treatment, so that they can bring out your femininity by doing surgery. But that will not in fact be a sex change from male to female, because this will not be up to them; rather it will be bringing out your true nature and removing what is in your body, and what you feel deep inside you of confusion and ambiguity. But if nothing is clear to the experts, then do not take the risk of undergoing this surgery; be content with the decree of Allah and be patient with what has befallen you, seeking to please your Lord and protecting yourself against the possible consequences of doing an operation without guidance and insight concerning your condition. Turn to Allah and beseech Him to relieve you of what you are facing, and to heal you from your psychological problems, for control of all things is in His hand, may He be glorified, and He is able to do all things. End quote. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Qa‘ood, Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Ghadyaan 

Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah (25/45-49) 

And Allah knows best.

Reference:www.islamqa.info/en

There should be no change in creation of Allah, Male becoming female by surgery, Change of sex, Changing gender, Female becoming Male by surgery and operations, Conversion of male into female and female into male is Haraam in Islam